My Life
Do you ever feel like breaking down?
Do you ever feel out of place?
Like somehow you just don't belong
And no one understands you

Do you ever wanna run away?
Do you lock yourself in your room?
With the radio on turned up so loud
That no one hears you screaming

No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels alright
You don't know what it's like to be like me

[Chorus]
To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked
When you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
When no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life

Do you wanna be somebody else?
Are you sick of feeling so left out?
Are you desperate to find something more
Before your life is over
Are you stuck inside a world you hate?
Are you sick of everyone around?
With the big fake smiles and stupid lies
But deep inside you're bleeding

No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels alright
You don't know what it's like
to be like me

[Chorus]

No one ever lies straight to your face
And no one ever stabbed you in the back
You might think I'm happy
But I'm not gonna be ok
Everybody always gave you what you wanted
You never had to work it was always there
You don't know what it's like
What it's like

[Chorus] x2

Welcome to my life
Welcome to my life
Welcome to my life

There is always a limit to everything in life...

And like a rubber band, if u try to stretch it within its limit, it'll go back to normal..

But when u go beyond the limit, the rubber band will snap.. And that, is a irreversible process..

When that happens, nothing will be the same again...

Alan...

" Only when facing death do people realise what they try to achieve their whole life is wrong.."

Run of bad luck cont'd..

Met up wth some of 2S04 for dinner @ Chomp Chomp...

Den went KKK's hse watch EPL..

Bad luck continues.. 1 player sent off.. 5 players booked.. Sigh.. Looks like its another disappointing gameweek..

To set things straight, i'm not gay.. lol.. This is probably the first time i'm saying this in 'public'..
I admit i did took a liking for a girl back in college... No point sayin who.. Cos there's no more feelings left.. Dun bother asking me who.. as i said it doesn't matter anymore..

Anyway for now, i'm worryin more on where i shd go for my nxt phase of studies.. Getting a girfriend is not exactly top on my list now.. Anyway gotta wait till i meet new ppl (in uni) wad..

Alan

how unlucky can i get?

Lets start from mornin..

I was cooking smthing and i forgot about it.. It was only when it was boiling over did i remember bout it.. In my hurry to remove the cover, i used my bare hands.. Yup i got my fingers burnt..

Den i wanted to go to the library and buy myself lunch at the same time.. So took a shower and off i go.. soon after i left, i realised tt my mp3 got no more battery.. I took out my reserve battery and replaced it.. Only to find out both batteries are dead..

After gettin the books, i went to buy a packet of porridge for my lunch.. No more than 10 steps after i got my lunch, it somehow slipped and dropped on the floor..

Weather was windy and cooling.. So i decided to walk home instead of taking the bus.. On my way home, this car actually brushed past my left leg from behind.. it was no more than an inch from knocking me down.. My hp in my left pocket even receive a knock from the car..

And its barely 1530.. Wonder how the rest of my day will be like.. Sigh..

Alan

Confused...

Finally back from the 2 days range.. Sentry duty there sux.. Horrible time i had..

Had been asking arnd bout Uni life.. Tryin to see if i can finally decide where to go and wad course to take.. But conclusion, i'm still confused...
NUS??? NTU?? SIM?? SMU?? Poly??

Argh...

Alan

Learning how to die is learning how to live...

Stayin in??

Got the day off for my medical check up at National Heart Centre..

Went there took blood test first.. Damn.. It was painful.. Either the nurse was rough or i became 'weaker'.. I dun remember it being so painful the last time i took it.. Anyway now the whole area where the needle 'violated' me is all bruised up.. Argh..

Den suppose to take this Stress Echocardiography thingy also... But they say i got flu so can't take.. Waste my time go there.. Worse still is for this test, cos i'm under 21, one of my parent has to be arnd..

Oh.. I'm probably gg to stay in camp tonite.. Involved in the range for nxt 2 days as sentry for the ammo.. Gotta report at 6am tmrl mornin, might as well stay in.. Can get more rest and save on the taxi fares..
And since its till thurs, i'll stay in on wed nite as well.. I mean why not.. Saves time and money on transport..

Anyway almost everyone else is stayin in..

Alan

I lie awake at night
See things in black and white
I've only got you inside my mind
You know you have made me blind

Weekend over soon...

The weekend is comin to an end already..

Watched EPL at KKK's place wth WK ystdae.. Long time since i watch any soccer actions.. The Man United game was rather ok only.. Instead the Tottenham Middlesborough game was much more exciting.. Can tell this season Tottenham is gg to be pretty strong this year.. Wth all the new signings and the already there players... A team to watch for sure..

Played soccer this morning.. Had quite an enjoyable session.. Though we won only like half the games.. But we had a few gd games and everyone was enjoying much of the session.. And i managed to score a few.. One of which i'm really proud of.. A solo effort that saw me dribbled past 3 players be4 placing a shot out of reach of the keeper..

Came home.. Slp till bout 1800 den wake up..

I guess tts my weekend..

VS gg co-ed.. Am i for it or against it?? I dunno.. gd and bad..

Alan..

"I lie awake at night
See things in black and white
I've only got you inside my mind
You know you have made me blind"

WTF??

Juz got my broadband todae..

But whenever i'm online, though the phone can be used, but there's the static sound in the background.. WTF.. I'm so damn pissed... Den my dad keep nagging and nagging.. Tell him dun touch the modem and stuff till i come back.. But.......

Den fantasy league so f**ked up.. I actually din successfully made the transfer of dickov for bent.. WTF?? and i got so many big fat zeroes... Argh...

I'M GOING CRAZY...

Alan..

i dun wanna face this reality cos i got an ideal...

Life...

Todae mornin played bball as usual.. Den went JK's hse chiong Dynasty Warrior for like wad, 5 hrs? .. Played till 1820.. From 1300 lor..

Den went home.. Eating dinner out so jio JK eat at coffeeshop near our hse.. Chatted alot during dinner.. Seems like his life as ACC reaally sux.. After dinner he stll has some time to spare so chatted at the bus stop for awhile..

JK, like everyone else, seems to look to uni as smthing very much better than our lives now.. I noe it'll be better, but by how much, i really dunno.. Not puttin much hopes on it..

JK is right.. I'm tryin to escape from reality.. I dun deny it.. I'm too afraid to face reality.. Reality to me is so sad.. So many problems but so little ans.. So many difficulties so little solutions.. So many sad moments so little happy ones..

JK says its all NS's fault.. I dun deny NS plays a big role in making our lives sux.. But i dun think it's the only one.. Lets juz hope life can get better soon.. For all of us...

Alan

i wanna cry but there ain't no tears..

Half day off...

Todae, morning reported to camp as per normal.. Den given half day off by my TO (Training Officer).. Cool .. Cos everyone else was on off.. So no point keepin the TSS..

So i went Parkway for pool wth TYS and WK..

Had lunch and dinner there.. Den went home..

Den went Kovan wth Fab and JK.. Went to Mac where we ate a 'little' snack and chatted.. Den suddenly this grp of 4 came up to us and ask if we're from the 16th Batch SRJC ODACians.. It turns out they're from the 18th Batch.. They recognised us from the t-shirt we're wearing (our 16th ODAC t-shirt) .. So they sat down and we chatted bout ODAC... One of them turns out to be their batch's president.. haha.. So we talked bout our ODAC back then and they talked a little bout theirs.. They juz took over not long ago.. Exchanged contact numbers.. They seem to wanna invite us back.. 3 of us do really wanna go back to see wad ODAC is doing now and how much changes there have been.. As usual, we gave them the advise to study hard...

Oh.. and apparantly, they heard about this 16th batch ODACian who did well in 'A' levels.. Haha.. Muz be JK lah.. LOL.. famous liao..

On way home wth JK, the main topic of conversation: Bball VS Soccer..Which one is for us?

This is a topic much debated about in our gang...

This debate very long le.. But there is still no outcome..


Alan
" I'm too shy to ask..
I'm too proud to lose... "

Pay Day!!

And so its pay day again..

Morning went for bball.. Abit slpy.. Din slp much considering i only got home 0345 cos i was playin Dynasty Warrior at JK's place..

Played a few 3v3.. Den brunch at HP as usual..

Went Pool Junction played pool wth TYS and WK.. Den went to meet up wth the main cast of 2S04'04.. JK,FAb and DM.. Went for dinner at Sizzler's.. Yup.. 2nd month in a row i ate there on payday.. Nice place.. Chatted alot alot as usual and ended wth an arcade session which saw DM rise to the rank of BG.. Tts like so woah.. I only got LTC highest lor..

Den DM gotta book in.. The remainin 4 of us juz walked arnd here and there ( dun wanna get caught in the crowd at Citi link) Ended up at Mac chatting over drinks.. Much bout our class (Best CG'04)

Den it was home.. Saw a grp of Malays fighting at a bus stop.. Stress.. Stun...

To DM:
Din u wan a day for our class activity? wad bout our payday?? lol

To Da Ge:
I hope ur fine (ur leg) and hopefully u can come over and help me wth my com soon..

To Er Ge:
Maybe can meet for dinner wth me and TYS since u're stayin out this week.. haha

To TYS:
I'll let u noe if i find any tuition assigment..

To JK:
Regardin ur 'advise' on gettin an 'authenticate one', i guess its up to luck.. Like TYS says: Luck is when preparation meets opportunity.. Without opportunity there is nothing....



Alan

"I'm sick of this life.
I juz wanna scream...."

Guard Duty...

Sian.. Sun guard.. meaning i gotta book in in a few hrs time..

Juz got back from a supper + talk cock session wth Senghou + Affiliations ( - Alvin whos in taiwan).. Long time no sit together chat le.. Everyone busy wth their own life... All different vocation.. All different camp.. All different job scope...

Morning quarrelled wth my Mum.. Went JK's hse not long after tt.. Played Dynasty Warrior 5..
Completed 2 quests.. Den went for dinner at HP..

Met TYS den went for bball... WK joined the grp.. Den DW came real late (2130).. By then we already finishin liao... Den KKK shock us by coming like 2200.. lol... But he came to chat and eat only..

Attn DM:
By the time u read this (i hope u get to read this), i'm probably doing guard duty already...
Regarding the class outing, here are the response so far:

Can go:
Me,JK,TYS and U..

To be confirmed:
JJ and RS

Confirmed not gg:
HX, Yvonne, shuhui and haoyi..

The rest nvr gimme any response..I'll let u noe if there're any changes..

U need any help can sms me.. Actually, can get TYS help...
Firstly, he's on off/leave all the way till wed...
Secondly, he's better wth human relations, so he claims (esp wth girls!!)

Alan

I wanna help.. But how??

Seems tt almost everyone in Senghou is troubled.. I seem to be the least troubled...

I really wish to help.. But i dunno how.. All i can do and had been doing is lend a listening ear.. Senghou needs help... Haven seens KKK for a long time.. Hopefully he's still fine and untroubled.. Not like the remainin 4 of us...

Furthermore, even our 2 affiliations got their own bad patches to walk thru..

There are somethings that will remain in our hearts forever and ever.. To erase is impossible..
To ignore is deceiving oneself..

Alan

"And by himself, it's easy to pretend
He'll never love again.... "

How can i help???

Juz received a call from one of my best fren ever.. He called from Taiwan.. Seems tt he's devastated.. Shan't explain..

He called trying to look for someone to talk to and perhaps try to lessen his despair.. But i dunno wad to do to help...

I wish i can do smthing.. But i dunno wad to do...

Sometimes i feel like i'm a jynx.. All those close to me seems to meet wth difficulty in their love life.. I wanna help.. But how?? Maybe tts the prob.. I should juz back off...

Alan